Torn
by I'm a Nerd and Proud
Summary: It's the first year Hogwarts has been open since May 2nd 1998. A young girl is left broken hearted when the love of her life- her lobster- is killed. Her best friend is jealous; her dead boyfriend/fiancée left her a single parent and she is back in school. Meet Merida Stark-almost Weasley, and this is her story.
1. Chapter 1

**Torn**

 **Summary: It's the first year Hogwarts has been open since May 2** **nd** **1998\. A young girl is left broken hearted when the love of her life- her lobster- is killed. Her best friend is jealous; her dead boyfriend/fiancée left her a single parent and she is back in school. Meet Merida Stark-almost Weasley, and this is her story.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. The three friends are my characters and I got this idea from someone who reviewed my other Harry Potter story** _ **Kailey and Her Wild Adventures**_ **. Please enjoy! ALSO THIS IS AN OC BASED STORY. But there will be mentions of canon characters and things like that.**

 **PS: There will be mentions of pairings and such, so OC X HP-characters. Warning! Don't like, don't read.**

Chapter 1: After

 _Fred,_

 _Today is September 1_ _st_ _. Today is the first day Hogwarts is being reopened and I'm nervous. You won't be there and I wish you could be. I miss you. Things haven't been the same since you died. I wish you could be here with me, laughing and teasing me like you always_ _do_ _did. I still can't wrap my head around that yet. You're dead._

 _I know things will get better with time, everyone's told me so. But I can still see your face in my head and it isn't okay. I need you like I need air and why? Why did you have to be dead? Alaska keeps telling me I need to get over it. You were just my boyfriend- a fling if you will. I mean, I get that I'm two years younger than you and the same age as your brother Ron but what we had was real. It was real to me, and it was real to you. . . . Right…?_

 _I miss you Fred. Why did you have to go and die on me? I love you. You were_ _ **it**_ _, you were my lobster. You are my lobster! Please don't forget me in heaven. Please._

 _Merida_

~x~

Merida finished writing her letter quickly, not wishing to look at it any longer. She hadn't been able to write much more to it, tears were already rolling down her cheeks and she was fighting to hold her screams of agony in. She tucked her letter into her carry on bag and then curled up beside the window. It was raining, the first rain Merida had seen in awhile.

She closed her eyes as she sat in her usual compartment, holding her knees to her chest as she tried to comfort herself. She hadn't been able to get a proper education last year and was coming back to Hogwarts to repeat her seventh year. Her usual long chestnut brown hair (it reached her mid back) was pulled back in a messy bun. Merida's eyes were worn in having seen too much death in her short eighteen years of life and the usual sparkling green eyes were now sunken in and always red.

Merida was a fairly normal sized girl. She however, over the past few months, had lost a lot of weight. She barely weighted a hundred pounds and even that was pushing it. She used to be curvy but instead had lost most of it to depression. Merida had slightly large breasts, a tiny bum and fairly nice hips. She had long legs that Fred use to love and her arms were covered in scars. Along her face from her left temple to her chin, three long pale scars run over her skin.

Merida had been fighting against Fenrir Greyback during the war; she had been protecting some innocent students from his attacks when she had gotten the scars. Following these scars became Merida's worst months of life. Not only did she lose her boyfriend, but Merida also became a thing of nightmares and now was a werewolf. Merida was one of the unlucky ones but she still pushed through it all.

But, as she sat in her compartment, imagining Fred's arms around her and comforting her (like he had done so many times before his seventh year); Merida was hit with a thought. She was still alive and could move on.

Hell, she even had her son. Yes, Merida had a son. Before the war, Merida had fallen pregnant by Fred, and she had given birth shortly before her seventh year. Fred's mother Molly had decided to look after Merida's son Aston Fredrick Weasley. Molly didn't want anyone around Aston, claiming that he was one of the last things she had to remember Fred by.

You could easily say that Merida was very protective of Aston.

Aston looked a lot like Fred. He had the Weasley hair, with bouncy curls; his eyes matched his mother's with a sparkling green and he had pale skin, freckles covering a lot of his body. Aston had just turned one and was a brilliant baby.

 _Stop thinking about him!_ Merida hissed into her mind.

It wasn't 11 o'clock yet but Merida had wanted some time alone before she left to go to school. She wanted to be better for her son Aston. She wanted to be more. She closed her eyes to block out the rain.

The door to the compartment slid open but Merida made no move to greet whoever had entered. She figured it was Alaska and Jesse. "Merida?" That was Jesse.

She opened her eyes and was greeted by her two friends staring at her. Jesse was a tall lanky bloke, with dark black hair that was messed up, pale gray eyes and a squared jaw. Jesse was pale and had turned eighteen shortly before the War in April. Her other friend, Alaska, was a beauty. She had long blond hair that was always been styled in bouncy beautiful curls, baby blue eyes and slightly tanned skin. Alaska was a medium height while Jesse towered over both Merida and Alaska.

"Hmm?" Merida hummed in response. She never much cared for talking, expect to Aston and George.

Jesse and Alaska share a look but Merida barely noticed. The three friends had decided to redo the year together. Mainly Jesse and Alaska thought Merida couldn't be without them so there they were.

"This reminds me of our first year," Jesse said gently. That brought a sad look to Merida's eyes. How she longed for that moment, to see Fred again once more. Alive and well….

~x~

 _1991, September 1_ _st_ _._

 _Merida was bouncing with excitement. She had always felt different than the other kids her age. She was more carefree and loved getting dirty. She was not a girly girl by any means and loved to get down and dirty. However, now that she had been told she was a Witch, Merida felt more like she belonged somewhere._

 _She had just said goodbye to her parents (Tony and Kaitlynn Stark). She hopped onto the train and looked for somewhere to sit. She found an empty compartment and sat down, taking a seat beside the window and began waving wildly to her parents. They waved back just as wildly. Her father was a muggle while her mother was a very powerful witch._

 _Merida smiled brightly however, when a small blonde eleven year old entered her compartment. "Do you mind if I sit with you?"_

" _No not at all!" Merida gushed, "My name's Merida! What's yours?"_

" _Alaska,"_

" _Like the place?"_

" _Yeah," Alaska said blushing slightly. "My parents always wanted to go Alaska. But they couldn't afford it so they brought Alaska to them."_

 _The two girls became quick and easy friends. While enjoying chatting to each other, three taller boys opened the compartment door, talking about pranks. Merida stared at them. Two of them looked the exact same while the other looked different. The girls stared at the guys and the guys stared at the girls._

" _Oi! What are you two girls doing in our compartment?" said one of the twins._

" _Your compartment?" asked Merida, "I don't see your name on it!"_

" _Getting told off by a first year, eh Gred?"_

 _ **What sort of name is Gred?**_ _Merida wondered._

" _Oh shut up Forge!" hissed Gred. The other boy lost it laughing. "Shut up Lee!"_

 _Lee continued to laugh. Forge shrugged, "Someone is grumpy. Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" Forge said._

 _Merida glared at the older boys. This caused the twins to laugh and hold their sides, the boy named Lee holding onto the wall to keep up. It was silly. Alaska looked uneasy. "Merida…maybe we should let them-"_

" _We were here first Alaska!" Merida pointed out. "The one thing my daddy told me was that this is a free country! We shouldn't have to move and give into bullies!"_

" _Bullies?" asked the twins, shocked by Merida's tone. "Now you just wait a second. Who are you calling a bully?" said Gred._

 _Merida crossed her arms over her chest. "You're bullying my friend and I just 'cause we sat here. Why should we have to move? We aren't causing trouble!"_

" _I like her!" said Forge with a laugh, "Right spitfire, eh Gred? I say we all sit together."_

" _But," gasped Gred, "They're first years! They're the same age as Ronniekins!"_

 _The twins look at each other and whoever this 'Ronniekins' was, the twins did not overly like him. Merida didn't back down though. "Just 'cause we're the same age as this Ronniekins, does not give you the right to bully us into leaving this compartment. Savvy?"_

 _Now Lee, Forge, Gred and Alaska were staring at her._

" _Have none of you watched any pirate movies?"_

" _What's a movie?" Forge asked._

" _I think it's a muggle thing." Gred said._

 _Alaska looked at Merida for a long time. Merida sighed and stood up on the seat so she was about roughly, the same height as the twins. She really was short. "Either we can share this compartment or you three leave. Understand?" Merida said firmly._

 _Somehow, that was how it went. The twins dropped onto the seat and Lee went to the bathroom, but also joined them. Alaska and Merida enjoyed the laughter they share because of how exciting the twins made them feel._

~x~

"Mere, earth to Mere!" she came back from the memory to find the worrying looks of her two best friends. It was Alaska who had spoken. She looked downright worried. "Are you okay?"

Merida blinked and then swallowed slightly. "I'll be fine," She said as she looked down. Her memories were painful for her. It always was painful. "Are we almost to Hogwarts?"

"We haven't left the station yet," Jesse said and this caused Merida to sigh. She looked out the window and spied Molly, Arthur, George and Aston standing close by. Aston was in George's arms cooing and playing with his uncle's hair. Merida smiled sadly. "Did you find Aston?"

"Yeah, he's in George's arms," Merida said turning to her friends. She sighed as she played with her hair, wondering if her baby boy would be okay without her. She hadn't been fully 100% there anymore, but she was trying. She and Fred had been planning to marry each other once she was out of school. Instead, things had taken a turn for the worst and now Fred was dead.

Jesse smiled sadly. "Hey, Molly says she'll look after him. Ash will be fine!"

Ash was the nickname Fred had given him after Jesse (whom was a muggleborn) showed him and George _Pokémon_.

"I know he'll be fine, I just worry. What if he misses me?" Merida pointed out.

"Professor McGonagall said you could go home every weekend to visit, remember?" Alaska said, sounding slightly jealous.

Alaska had always been sort of jealous of Merida's and Fred's love. She wanted that, she always had. Jesse had always been supportive but he didn't understand, not really. Nobody understood their love expect maybe George, but that was because Fred told George everything. Merida sighed, thinking about Fred made her heart hurt and made her want to give up. Alaska didn't understand Merida's feelings because she had yet to feel and experience the power of love. Merida and Fred had been lucky.

"Alaska," Jesse scolded gently. "Don't-"

"Don't what Jesse? Scold her? She's been sulking for the past five months!" Alaska huffed. "He's never coming back, Mere! Living in the past can't and won't bring Fred back!"

"Alaska!" Jesse gasped.

Merida turned to her so called best friend and stared. She blinked once and then twice. "I know it won't bring him back Alaska, and I'm sorry that I'm sad. I can't help it. I'm sorry that you're so jealous that I got to have that passionate consuming love that we read about in books before you did! Is that it? Is that why you're mad at me? Then be mad at me because I'm not going to forget Fred, not anytime soon." Merida stood up and glared down at Alaska. "Leave!" She pointed at the door.

"Why?" Alaska scowled.

"This is Fred's compartment and I won't let you disrespect him!" Merida snapped.

"Guys please!" Jesse begged.

Alaska stood up. "This _was_ Fred's compartment Mere," She said snobbishly, "He died."

And with that, Alaska existed the compartment.

Merida didn't stay standing. Her body had gone weak and she was sitting in Fred's usual spot and she began to cry. Her whole body trembled as she covered her face. Jesse wasn't sure where he was supposed to do, but he made his way to Merida and took her into his arms, letting the smaller girl cry on him. "She didn't mean it, Merida." Jesse said softly.

"Of course she meant it," Merida said sadly, "I'm sorry I'm not over him."

She sniffled.

"I don't expect you to forget the love of your life, so soon. Especially when you two have a son together," Jesse said gently.

Merida nodded and buried her face into his chest, her body still shaking but at least she wasn't full on crying anymore. Jesse didn't say anymore and for that, Merida was very thankful. She needed the silence. She just held onto Jesse and her best friend let her. He knew she needed it and he wasn't expecting anything else form her. Merida closed her eyes and let out a broken sob. "I don't know what I'm going to do...he died there Jesse. Please don't make me do this alone."

"Never, Mere," Jesse kissed her forehead. "I won't leave you like you didn't leave me in our first year..."

"Thank you."

 **~x~**

 **And that is Chapter 1. Would you mind terribly if you dropped me a review? This was very emotional to write. I hope you liked Merida, because I enjoyed writing her. I feel like she is rough emotion and I know I can relate to her somewhat. Not with having a child or losing someone I love like she did but feeling so helpless, you know?**

 **Anyway, again thank you for taking the chance and reading this. Anyone who picked up the** _ **Friend**_ **'s reference you are amazing! Can you guess what it is? ;) And the Avengers one too!**

 **Nerdy~**

 **Please don't forget to drop me a review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Torn**

Chapter 2: Hogwarts

The trip to Hogwarts took most of the day on the train, but it felt to Merida that she only blinked and then was back at school. She didn't even seem to think before she and Jesse were seated in their usual part of the Gryffindor table, and she was sitting there, staring blankly at the spot she and Fred use to sit at every day. She swallowed slightly, listening to the voices all around her. There weren't many students in Hogwarts this year.

Many had given their lives in the war. Some even lost their lives before then.

Merida looked up when Jesse's other friend, Dean Thomas walked over. She smiled sadly before turning when she heard the familiar sound of excited voices of first years. She watched as a group of maybe 30 first years enter. She hated to think about how few there were. Merida played with her brown hair, thinking about how her first sight of Hogwarts went. It felt so long ago…

 _~x~_

 _After stepping in the door of Hogwarts, Merida felt at home. She felt content. Forge, Gred and Lee had left the two girls after the train stopped. Merida and Alaska were excitedly waiting for what was going to happen next. The twins had teased them, warning them about the big test it was to see where they were placed- Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff or Slytherin. Merida couldn't help but want Gryffindor._

 _Red was her favorite color, and why should she settle for anything less than red?_

 _She tugged on Alaska's arm when they entered. The professor- Professor McGonagall- told them to wait as she made sure everything was ready. In this moment, a small black haired boy walked over to them nervously. "What house do you think you'll be placed in?" He asked._

 _Alaska blinked before shrugging. "I think I'd like Ravenclaw. It's for smart people, ya know. I wanna be smart." Alaska said. "What about you?"_

" _I want Gryffindor," said the boy. "It seems to be the happiest. And it also has the coolest traits."_

 _Alaska and the boy turned to Merida. She raised an eyebrow. "Gryffindor 'cause my favorite color is red."_

" _Well that's a silly reason!" said the boy. Merida scowled as the boy just shook his head at her. "Why would you want to decide who you are at heart, simply because you like red?"_

" _Red is my favorite color!" Merida defended herself. "So why couldn't that work?"_

 _The boy was about to open his mouth to say something more- maybe scold Merida some more. When Professor McGonagall brought their attention back to her, Merida couldn't help but stick her tongue out at this strange boy. She watched as students slowly went up and put on this old ratty hat. She was playing with her brown locks, staring with wide eyes as the first person- a young girl- being placed into Hufflepuff. Merida just wanted her own turn. Her eyes went to the twins- Forge and Gred. She noticed that they were watching the sorting. However, Gred's eyes were on Merida every once in awhile._

 _ **Peculiar,**_ _thought Merida,_ _ **Very peculiar. I wonder why Gred keeps looking at me…**_

" _Burke, Jesse," said Professor McGonagall._

 _The mean boy walked up and Merida stared at him. He walked over to the stool and got up, letting Professor McGonagall place the ratty hat on his head. Jesse's eyes disappeared as the hat covered the top half of his face._

 _Merida and the rest of the school watched with excitement in their eyes. Which house would young Jesse Burke be placed in? Then, the hat yelled out, "GRYFFINDOR!"_

 _Jesse was the first male Gryffindor that day and raced over to his house. Merida watched the twins greeted Jesse and she couldn't help but be a little jealous. Her last name was Stark- she'd be way at the bottom. So, Merida got comfortable and waited for her turn. The names blurred for bored out of her mind Merida, until Professor McGonagall said, "Higgs, Alaska."_

 _Alaska shared a nervous look with Merida before walking up slowly to the stool. Obviously Alaska was nervous. She swallowed as she looked shyly up at the older witch. Professor McGonagall gave Alaska a bored expression and the young 11-year-old got up onto the stool. The hat was placed on Alaska's head and she nervously played with the edge of her skirt._

 _Merida couldn't see Alaska's eyes and she was worried about how shaky her friend looked while climbing up to the front of the hall. It seemed like forever later before the hat shouted out Alaska's house- Gryffindor. Alaska jumped down from the stool, a small brave smile on her face as she walked to the table and took a seat beside Jesse. A girl by the name Hermione Granger walked up to the stool and her bushy hair grabbed Merida's attention._

 _Hermione looked very smart to Merida. She had listened to Hermione talk to one of the other girls about the Great Hall and Hogwarts itself, and knew the girl was very smart. From what Merida had gathered, smart/clever kids went to Ravenclaw; chivalry/brave kids went to Gryffindor; conning/'bad'/pureblood kids went to Slytherin; and the rest to Hufflepuff. So, from all of this, Merida pinned this Hermione Granger as a Ravenclaw. You can only imagine her surprise when Hermione was placed in Gryffindor. A few Slytherins, Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and one other Gryffindor, and then forever later, it was finally Merida's turn._

" _Stark, Merida," said Professor McGonagall._

 _Two other boys had been placed in Gryffindor other than Jesse Burke (Harry Potter and Seamus Finnigan). Merida nervously walked up to the stool, her eyes searching for the twins and Alaska. Gred and Forge were staring at her and they both gave her equal smiles of encouragement. Alaska nodded to Merida with a wide smile, her eyes shining with hope and encouragement as well._

 _Merida turned and walked up, her head held high. Professor McGonagall looked impressed as Merida took a seat on the stool. Merida didn't even trip! She lost the sight of the Great Hall once the hat was placed on her head._

 _The voice of the hat was heard inside of her head. "What a mind we have, Ravenclaw would do wonders for you! But so would Gryffindor… and you could do great things in Slytherin. What a choice though…" said the hat._

 _ **Not Hufflepuff though, please sir. Please, I'd like Gryffindor. Red's my favorite color. And I'm brave too! Just ask my Uncle Rhodey!**_ _Merida responded._

 _The hat gruffly replied, "You can do great things in Gryffindor, very great things. But, can you handle it?"_

 _ **Yes, yes I can! Let me prove myself. I want to be a Gryffindor.**_ _Merida begged and pleaded._

" _Then it must be….GRYFFINDOR!"_

 _Merida's eyes snapped open at the light that flooded her, and realised the hat had actually said it. She, Merida was a Gryffindor. She jumped from the stool and she was grinning so wildly. She nodded to the hat in thanks and then she scurried to her table. Alaska was clapping excitedly for her friend as Merida took her seat beside her. The other Gryffindors greeted Merida and she felt at home. She felt wanted…and it was the best feeling in the world._

~x~

Merida came back to the living from her memory, the day she became a Gryffindor. She swallowed as she looked at Dean and Jesse, both were chatting about classes they were taking this year to complete their seventh year. There weren't many older kids Merida's age that had actually come back, but it didn't bother her any.

Their classes would be small but that in itself would be heartbreaking. So many lives lost… Merida shook off the thought.

"What classes are you taking, Merida?" Dean asked, bringing her from her thoughts.

She swallowed. "All the usual stuff, I think…" She trailed off. "NEWT level Potions, Charms, Transformation, History, Herbology, Defence against the Dark Arts, Care of Magical Creatures and Astronomy. What about you Dean?"

"That's a lot," Dean looked awed, "NEWT level Charms, Transformation, Herbology, DADA and History- I didn't get a lot of OWL's."

"That's more than George and Fred Weasley and look where they are!" Jesse said without thinking. Merida's face fell at the sound of Fred's name. "I mean…where George is…" Jesse corrected himself when he saw Merida's reaction.

She trembled a little and looked down at her empty plate. "God, I should be able to say his name!" She was frustrated with herself. How come she couldn't even hear his name without getting upset? Alaska was right. Merida heard a wet sound and looked up, finding Alaska kissing Dean's cheek.

Merida's mouth fell open.

"Hey guys," Alaska said grinning as she sat beside her two week boyfriend Dean. Everyone noticed the way Alaska avoided looking at Merida, but nobody commented or called her out on her bullshit. "How was your summer dear?"

Dean shrugged. "It was okay, the only good thing was spending it with you."

They shared a kiss. Jesse shifted uncomfortably and turned to Merida who was looking up at the front table where teachers were gathering. The staff looked smaller in numbers and Merida couldn't help but stare at the old faces.

Rubeus Hagrid was still the teacher for Care of Magical Creatures. Minerva McGonagall was both Headmistress of Hogwarts and the Transformation class teacher. Professor Flitwick was still the Charms' teacher. Horace Slughorn was the Potions master. Aurora Sinistra was the Astronomy teacher. Pomona Sprout was the Herbology teacher. A petit girl was sitting at the table as well, with her silver-ish blonde hair and bright blue eyes, chatting happily to Hagrid. It appeared she was the new Defence against the Dark Arts' teacher.

Merida was snapped from her staring of this new girl when Jesse touched her hand. "Hey, you okay?"

"I'm fine," Merida reassured. "I'm just…..I'm thinking. I don't want to be here Jesse, but I need to be, ya know? This is where he died and I'm freaking out. All these memories of him are coming back and their drowning me. What if…what if his ghost is here?"

Jesse hugged his friend with one arm. "Then you can talk to him, I'm sure George would love to see his twin again. You'd get to talk to him, say goodbye. And I'm sure Fred has a lot to say."

She sighed and laid her head on his chest. "I just miss him, a lot…" She mumbled.

Professor McGonagall grabbed everyone's attentions. "Welcome, to the grand re-opening of Hogwarts: School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!" She said smiling fondly. The students clapped. "Now that the first years are placed in their houses, I'd say to say some words before we begin eating the wonderful food prepared for us." She looked at each student's face.

Merida couldn't help but snuggle closer to Jesse.

"Firstly, I'd like to take a moment to bow our heads and take a moment to honor all those that have died to give us this chance to be here, to learn and to grow." Professor McGonagall bowed her head and the students and staff followed suit. Merida smiled as she closed her eyes, saying thank you under her breath. Two minutes later, Professor McGonagall continued. "Secondly, I'd like to point out that the Forbidden Forest is just that- _forbidden_. Leaving your dormitories' after bedtime is strictly against the rules and points will be taken from you and your house if such things happen."

Merida knew all these rules as she had been here so many times- this was her eighth year going to Hogwarts.

"Thirdly, don't be late for classes. Fourthly- enjoy your year. Now let us dine and enjoy the evening!" Food appeared just as McGonagall finished her sentence.

People began to chat loudly and enjoy their meal. Merida went to picking at her food, half listening. She wished she had firewhiskey to drink. Jesse was chatting to Dean about plans for Quidditch. The sport just reminded Merida more of Fred and shortly, she could barely breath she was so upset. She excused herself and got the password from one of the perfects. She said goodbye to her friends and then left.

Surprisingly, Hermione said she'd join Merida and Merida couldn't help but be thankful. Together, the two girls headed to the Gryffindor Tower.

The fat lady greeted them sweetly.

"Mischief Managed," Hermione said and the painting swung open. Merida pushed the thought of how much that reminded her of Fred from her head.

"Who picked the password?" Merida asked curiously.

Hermione's cheeks turned a little pink. "I did…to honor Fred,"

"Thank you,"

"You're welcome," Hermione said as they walked towards the couch and sat down. "It's for Remus, Tonks, Sirius- everyone we've lost, as well."

Merida nodded. "It's a wonderful thought." Silence fell over the girls. And then, Merida started laughing. Hermione looked over bewildered.

"What's so funny?"

"Everyone keeps saying they're sorry!" Merida felt tears roll down her cheeks as she laughed. "I'm not the only one who lost him and I'm not the one who hurts the most! We were barely anything! Just childhood sweethearts and in love- and yeah we have a child together but I wasn't truly _anything_ to Fred!"

Hermione understood. She touched Merida's shoulder. "You were his everything,"

Merida looked over and she smiled a broken smile. Once more, silence fell over the girls before Hermione said she was heading off to bed to catch up on some left over books to be ready for classes and for a shower. Merida was left alone in the common room. She played with the edge of her skirt and she stared at the flames dancing. Finally, when she heard people coming in through the entrance, Merida decided to head to bed and that is what she did. She headed up to the Eighth years' dorm (which had been added thanks to Professor McGonagall) and Merida claimed a bed.

Hermione was in her bed with books surrounding her so Merida, not wishing to bother the girl, closed her bed curtains and did a silencing spell around her bed; to keep people from bothering her and from her bothering them.

Merida grabbed her clothes from her trunk and changed into her PJs- her usual black panties and one of Fred's old T-shirts she had taken from the Burrow and Fred's apartment. She lay in bed and stared down at her hand, looking at the ring that graced her finger. She usually kept it hidden in her trunk, not wishing for anyone to see it. Merida already got enough looks as it was so she tended not to do much else. Then, she looked at the picture she had on her pillow.

It was the day Ash had said his first word. Ash was in Fred's arms and Merida was standing beside the two boys proudly. George had taken the picture. Who knew this was the last time the family would be truly happy? She sighed as she hugged her picture close to her chest and closed her eyes. "Good night Fred, good night Ash…" Merida whispered kissing each head of the person in her picture before going to sleep.

Her dreams were haunted by nightmares- just like every other night.

~x~

 **And that is chapter 2! What do you guys think? Worth continuing? :)**

 **Anyway, as I was rereading this, I realized I had made a mistake. Tony and Kaitlynn** _ **Stark**_ **are Merida's parents but I kept saying Merida's last name was** _ **Valentine**_ **. So please excuse this mistake. Merida's last name is Stark.**

 **What do you all think? I'd like to start conversations about this story and anything else you guys would like to say! Do you think Merida should find Fred's ghost? Should she write a letter to Ash? What do you think of her flash-back? If these are boring you, I'm sorry. I'm trying to give you a feel of how Merida and Fred began without boring you with writing it all out. So flashbacks and still giving you an idea of what she is going through. So yeah…**

 **Anyway, not much from Ash but next chapter, I think Merida will write a letter to George, Molly and Ash. What do you guys think? Please drop me a review! I'd love you so much! :D**

 **Nerdy~**


	3. Chapter 3

**Torn**

 **Chapter 3: The First Letter**

After tossing and turning all night long, Merida decided to get up around 5:30am. She pulled her body out of bed, sighing to herself as she made her way towards the loo. She decided to take a shower before dressing in her school robes.

The bathroom was dark when she stepped inside, magic turning on the fires. Merida walked over towards the shower side and stripped down. She stepped in front of a full body mirror and her eyes zeroed in on her scars and stretch marks. Around the edge of her stomach pale pink marks graced her skin and proved yet again, that she had carried to term and given birth to one Aston Weasley. The scar on her face was another story and one less fond.

" _No please! Not me, please!"_

" _Shut your mouth, little girl. Or I'll shut it for you."_

Fear washed over Merida as she opened her eyes, finding that she was standing in the bathroom of Hogwarts and safely inside the shower. The memory of Fenrir Greyback was still something that haunted her mind and soul, but Merida pushed through. She turned the water on and stepped inside, leaning against the wall of the shower. In the shower, Merida thought the most. It was one of those places that were just for her.

Back when Ash was only a newborn and Fred was busy with the shop, Merida would take Ash into the shower with her and together they would bath and wash up. Of course, Ash loved it and Merida longed for those sorts of moments with her son. People thought it was wrong of her for having a baby at her age (she had been sixteen when Ash had been born, fifteen when she had gotten pregnant). But, Merida felt that if she hadn't gotten the chance at the time, then Fred would have never gotten to meet and fallen in love with his child.

Merida felt the tears roll down her cheeks and she quietly sobbed in the shower. 10 minutes later, she was out and dressed in her school robes. Merida smelt like roses and vanilla. She pulled her hair back into a high pony tail and she looked every bit the part of 'student'. _Fred would find it very amusing._ Merida thought with a small weak smile.

She left the Gryffindor Tower to head to breakfast, after checking the time. The clock read 6:03 am and she realized she was still fairly early and had been in the shower longer than she first thought. Hermione would be up soon and getting ready so Merida wouldn't be totally alone.

Wandering to the Great Hall, Merida let her mind wander. She heard Peeves somewhere in the castle nearby, causing mischief and mayhem. It caused her to smile knowing how much the ghost respected Fred and George. Closing her eyes, Merida's mind strayed to Ash and how her son was doing. Most of the older students knew about Merida and Fred's child, but nobody really commented or made fun of her anymore about it.

Besides Malfoy but she didn't care what he thought.

She entered the Great Hall and took in the sight of it all. The last time she had been inside of it, she had been mourning Fred's death (besides last night but last night was mostly blurry for her). She took her seat and waited for 6:30 am to roll around.

Breakfast didn't start until after 6:30.

Merida drummed her fingers against the fine wood and her stomach grumbled. _Great, I look like a total loser._ She looked around. The castle was silent besides Peeves' noise from somewhere. She rolled her eyes at herself. _Whatever, I'm a loser._

Her eyes drifted to the entrance the owls used and wondered if she'd get any letters from Molly, George or her parents.

Since her parents were fairly in tuned with muggles (her father was a muggle), they hadn't been affected by the war as much. Merida barely spent time with them anymore, because she was so busy doing her studies and then raising Ash. Her parents had been horrified when they found out she was pregnant, but they didn't get too upset with her. Kaitlynn, her mother, just told her that she was expected to raise that child and give it everything possible. Of course, Ash was very loved.

Ash was literally the light in the darkness for Merida and for mostly everyone who met him. He was so sweet and loving, and could make even the darkest person smile. Ash was Merida's everything.

Merida glanced at the time, pulling her thoughts from her inner realm and found that she could order breakfast. She just asked for some bacon, eggs and orange juice. She picked at her food until Hermione appeared.

"Good morning Mere!" Hermione said, sitting down and ordering her usual breakfast of strawberry jam and toast. "How was your sleep?"

 _Should I lie? Yeah I should…_

"Fine," Merida lied easily, "How was yours?"

Hermione replied, "Alright."

The two girls settled into silence. Minutes after 7, and other students began slowly making their way into the Great Hall. Merida noticed how excited Hermione looked to be finally in a place she knew and needed. School. Merida was not looking forward to school as much, because everything reminded her of Fred, but she promised herself and Ash that she would become the best witch she could to provide for them as a family.

A hoot was heard and Merida looked up. Her mother's owl, Jackson appeared flying down and dropping a letter in Merida's empty plate. Jackson was a black horned owl and had been a gift from her father, as a Christmas gift or something.

"Ooh, who's it from?" Hermione asked smiling.

"My mom and dad," Merida stared at the letter. Jesse finally made his way over to the other two Gryffindors and flopped down onto the bench beside them.

"That was the worst night ever," Jesse sighed heavily. "I kept waking up from nightmares from the war. Just what does a bloke got to do to sleep to be ready for school?"

Merida quietly replied, "Be alive…"

Jesse looked sorry. "Not what I meant-"

"I know," Merida soothed him. She opened her letter from her parents, letting Jesse and Hermione catch up without her bothering them.

 _Merida,_

 _Your father and I are so proud of you for returning to Hogwarts. I understand that going back will be one of the hardest things you will ever do, but it will be one of the best things you will ever do for yourself and for Ash. This will only help you. And because of that, your father and I couldn't be prouder!_

 _I decided instead of waiting a couple of days like I usually do, so you're all settled in, I'd send in a letter your first official day back at Hogwarts. I know you're going to be thinking about Fred and a lot of other things, but darling, please focus on school as much as you can. Nobody expects you not to be affected by the war and your loss. I know your brain is filled with loads of stuff and just being back I assume is bringing back memories. That is perfectly normal. Just thinking about your grandfather causes me to remember things I prefer not to remember._

 _Anyway, I wanted to see how you were doing. I assume you're eating breakfast as you read this (I was the same way at your age). I hope Jackson isn't causing you any trouble. Feed him a quick treat, please. I haven't been able to get to Diagon Alley lately to get more owl treats and your father has locked himself back in his lab, so it won't be for awhile._

 _Lots of love from us you know. Your Uncle Rhodey is very proud of you too. And your Aunt Pepper is wondering if you're going into help out with interning this year at Stark Industries? She's hoping you can go, she loves having you around the work place. _

_We all miss you dearly, but we also understand if you want to spend the summer with Mrs. Weasley and her family. Also, I was wondering if little Ash and you will join us for Thanksgiving? If so, please let me know. I have just_ _ **so**_ _many outfits I'd like to see Ash try on! Just thinking about my grandson makes me smile._

 _Lots of love,_

 _Mom_

 _PS: Your dad swears he'll write a letter for you soon, he just hasn't gotten around to doing it. And hasn't gotten to eat yet. He's locked himself down there for at least the past 2 days. I'll be going to the lab soon to make sure he's still alive. Wish me luck!_

Merida smiled sadly at the letter, rereading it a few times to reassure herself that her parents and her family still loved her. After getting pregnant Ash, she had started spending a lot of extra time with the Weasleys. She knew it must bother her parents but she couldn't help it. Being with the Weasleys hurt but it also lessoned the pain, especially being around George. He was so confusing to her. He made her heart ache less but also tear itself in two. Merida folded up the letter and placed it in her pocket, intending to keep it close and read it whenever she missed her family.

"Hey Jackson," She passed him some leftover bacon and the owl nipped at her finger affectionately. "Haven't had any treats lately, I hear."

Jesse smiled when he realized just who Jackson was. He knew she missed her family but he also knew she couldn't leave the Weasleys. He felt bad for his friend.

"So who was the letter from?" Hermione asked curiously.

Merida looked up from the owl who was now helping himself to her mostly full plate. "My parents,"

"I haven't heard you talk much about your parents before," Hermione said thoughtfully. "Do they not talk to you much or-"

"They're busy a lot, but it's me who usually doesn't have time for them, not the other way around." Merida interrupted her. "It's hard being around them. They didn't support me at first when I got pregnant. My dad didn't want me to throw away my life or what was being offered to me, and my mom wanted more in life for me. They didn't think I was ready for a baby and thought Fred would run for the hills. So I slowly stopped going to their place for holidays and spent them with Fred."

Hermione looked sorry at asking but Merida didn't care. Talking about her parents was normal, right? Parents were important and well, Merida wished she could truly talk to them again. She hadn't been able to properly talk to them, face-to-face, in a long time. She knew her dad was taking it hard. Merida was his baby girl.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Hermione said sorrowfully.

Merida shook her head, "No it's fine. They love Ash of course. And they're upset that now I won't be getting what I want which is a future with Fred. They just wanted what was best for me."

Hermione nodded and returned to the book she was reading. Jesse touched Merida's shoulder. "Are you going to be okay?" He asked softly. Merida nodded and stood up. Jackson, figuring it was time to go, nipped Merida's hand as if asking for a note or something. Merida took some paper and a quill from Hermione, writing out a quick reply for her mom.

 _Mom,_

 _I don't have time to properly write out a letter so I'm doing this quickly. I think Ash and I can make it for Thanksgiving, but I'm not sure. Do you mind if I invite Jesse Burke to Thanksgiving? He's my best friend right now._

 _Also tell Aunt Pepper I'm thinking about it. I might just go straight into my Healer training. To get dad out of the lab, I suggest coffee and some "adult snuggle time" or "fondue" as you two like to call it. Tell Uncle Rhodey that I miss him and expect a letter from him too._

 _Love you mom, I'll send a proper letter later tonight or tomorrow evening._

 _Merida_

She handed the letter to Jackson who quickly took off. She thanked Hermione for the quill and paper. She waved it off quickly and said Merida would do that same thing for her.

Merida smiled and she left the table, Hermione and Jesse going to follow her as well. Who would have thought she would have two such amazing friends? As they were leaving, Merida nearly ran into Alaska who was entering the Great Hall looking very snogged. Merida didn't make a comment about how Dean Thomas had a smudge of lipstick on his lips and neck.

Let them figure that out.

The trio left the hall and headed to their first class, Jesse complaining about school already. "I just realized that we're going through NEWT classes again! UGH!" He whined. Merida couldn't help but laugh at her friend. Yes, indeed they were.

~x~

 _At the Burrow, 12:31 pm-ish_

Mrs. Weasley could fondly say that she had raised amazing children. They each had taken part of the war, fighting for what was right (Besides Charlie but he was doing his part of course). They each knew who they were as people and helped others when they could. Mrs. Weasley knew she was lucky to have only lost one person during the war, when others had lost all their families and sometimes even more.

Mrs. Weasley was still grieving from losing her son Fred. But, as she spent the summer with Merida (her almost daughter-in-law) and her grandson Aston, things were looking up for poor Mrs. Weasley. Aston (or Ash as everyone liked to call him) was a very lively boy. He was happy.

At the moment, Mrs. Weasley was knitting one of her famous Weasley sweaters when Ash entered the room, carrying his favorite toy teddy (one Mrs. Stark, his other grandmother, had given him). Ash looked sleepy but also curious. He was in his favorite PJs, it was green with dinosaurs were all over it.

"Nana?" said Ash nervously, his voice quiet as he stood by the door to the living room.

Mrs. Weasley looked up and gave him a small smile. "What are you doing up, Ash? It's your naptime." She soothed the child, placing her knitting down as Ash nervously stood by the door.

"Can I ask you a question?" Ash asked in his baby voice.

"Why of course!" Mrs. Weasley said, patting a seat for him on her lap.

Ash waddled over and took his seat on her lap. "Nana, where's daddy? I ask mama and she starts crying. Did I do something wrong? Did I scare daddy away?" Ash's eyes filled with tears. He truly thought he had done something so wrong that his daddy didn't want him anymore.

Mrs. Weasley hugged her grandson tightly. "Oh Ash, you did nothing wrong. Remember that stone we visit once a day? Or once every few days?" Mrs. Weasley asked the boy, earning a nod. "Well, when we visit that stone, we're visiting your daddy. As you know, when you were born, things were about to get very, very bad. A war was going on, remember?" Again, Ash nodded. His mama had explained all of this to him before. "Well, your daddy and mama were fighting for us. And your daddy died saving others." Now tears were in Mrs. Weasley's eyes. "It wasn't anything you did Aston. Alright? Your mama cries when you talk about your daddy because she loves him and misses him very much."

"Can we go visit daddy now?" Ash asked softly, burying his face into his nana's chest. "'Cause I miss him too…"

And Mrs. Weasley realized just how grown up her almost two-year-old grandson was. And she longed for something more, so that he could be young and innocent, and to be with his daddy. "After your nap, alright?"

"Okay nana…" Ash yawned and fell asleep on his nana's chest. Mrs. Weasley kissed his head and stared up at her clock, her eyes going to Fred's old spoon, still golden and his face still winking playfully up at her. Fred's spoon was forever stuck on 'Lost'.

~x~

 **And that is chapter 3! It was very painful to write :'( Poor Ash…**

 **Anyway, I wanna know what you guys would like to see next. Shall I skip to Thanksgiving so you get to properly meet Merida's parents/family? Should I write more of Ash? Would you like to see some of Merida's classes? Let me know okay?! And if you haven't already guessed, Merida's family is from Iron Man. Her mother is my OC/myself (sort of) that is married to one, Tony Stark. This is WAY before Iron Man and the Avengers so yeah. Anyway, please review!**

 **Nerdy~**

 **REVIEW PLEASE AND THANK YOU**


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